All reluctant hitwoman Maggie Lee really wants is to have a calm, normal life.
She doesn’t want to go around killing people for money.
She doesn’t want her sister to be terrified of her ex-pimp.
She doesn’t want her Dad to disappear from the Witness Protection program.
But Maggie rarely gets what she wants.
Instead, she finds herself trying to keep everyone out of trouble.
With the help of her ragtag team of supporters: her semi-psychic friend, a handsome, charming con man, her almost-lover cop/hitman mentor, her curious Southern Belle cat, her haughty lizard, and her sweet, but dumb Doberman, Maggie does her best to stay a step ahead of Law Enforcement, while helping those she loves.
But will Maggie end up being the one who needs to be saved?
When her apartment building is blown to smithereens, bumbling hitwoman Maggie Lee is forced to move back into the Bed & Breakfast she grew up in.
Living with her three meddling aunts is bad enough, but it just so happens that the B&B is also occupied by a U.S. Marshal, an FBI agent, her old friend Zeke who’s on a mysterious mission, and a woman who claims she can see dead people. These aren’t the kinds of roomies Maggie wants to spend time with, considering that in order to pay for her niece’s medical care she supplements her income by killing people.
Maggie avoids arrest and deals with a crazier-than-usual home life while trying to track down exactly who is blowing up the holdings of various crime families. To make matters worse, she’s walking a precarious tightrope between keeping her mobster bosses happy and protecting her murder mentor (and almost lover) Patrick Mulligan.
Aided by the warped predictions of her semi-psychic friend, her sarcastic, demanding, talking lizard and an always ravenous, dyslexic Doberman, Maggie juggles keeping secrets, unraveling riddles and protecting those she loves. Can she do it all? Or will she suffer yet another unspeakable loss?
A novella about the further misadventures of Maggie Lee and the rest of the cast of zany characters from CONFESSIONS OF A SLIGHTLY NEUROTIC HITWOMAN:Maggie Lee’s a lot of things: the daughter of a mom in a mental institution and a dad serving time; the niece of three meddling aunts; the aunt (and now legal guardian) of her beloved niece, Katie; the friend of a snarky lizard, a dyslexic Doberman, and a semi-psychic co-worker; a contract killer.
But one thing she'd never thought she'd be is a thief.
That's about to change as she heads to the casinos of Atlantic City tohelp her sexy murder mentor, Patrick Mulligan, steal something from a professional thief.
Maggie's never been lucky in love or money. Will this gamble pay off or will she lose her shirt, her heart or even her life?
Take three wacky aunts,two talking animals,one nervous bride,and an upcoming hit,and you've got the follow-upto JB Lynn's wickedly funnyConfessions of a Slightly Neurotic Hitwoman.
Knocking off a drug kingpin was the last thing on Maggie Lee's to-do list, but when a tragic accident leaves her beloved niece orphaned and in the hospital, Maggie will go to desperate lengths to land the money needed for her care.
But the drug kingpin is the least of her worries. Maggie's aunts are driving her crazy, her best friend's turned into a bridezilla…and a knock on the head has given Maggie Dr. Dolittle abilities—she can talk to animals. Unfortunately, they talk back.
It's just another day in the life of this neurotic hitwoman…
Maggie Lee is not your average hitwoman. For one thing, she’s never killed anyone. For another, after hitting her head in the car accident that killed her sister, her new best friend is a talking lizard—a picky eater, obsessed with Wheel of Fortune, that only Maggie can hear.
Maggie, who can barely take care of herself, is desperate to help her injured and orphaned niece get the best medical care possible, so she reluctantly accepts a mobster’s lucrative job offer: major cash to kill his monstrous son-in-law.
Paired with Patrick Mulligan, a charming murder mentor (who happens to moonlight as a police detective), Maggie stumbles down her new career path, contending with self-doubt, three meddling aunts, a semi-psychic friend predicting her doom, and a day job she hates. Oh, and let’s not forget about Paul Kowalski, the sexy beat cop who could throw her ass in jail if he finds out what she’s up to.
Training has never been so complicated! And, this time, Maggie has to get the job done. Because if she doesn’t … she’s the mob’s next target.
Take for example, Maggie’s latest assignment: assassinating a heartless, indiscriminate sniper. He deserves to die, but making that happen is tricky, especially considering that a certain red-headed police detective has been assigned to protect him.
And that’s not the only job Maggie has.
She’s struggling to find a way to communicate with her pets and care for her orphaned niece, while searching for information about her sister who disappeared years earlier. An investigation that puts her in harm’s way.
Maggie struggles to do all her jobs, while contending with her nutty family, vague psychic predictions, an unexpected chicken, and a complicated romantic relationship.
Is she up for the challenge? Or will one mistake cost her everything?
You think you've got problems? Don't talk to Maggie Lee about problems.
Her mother's escaped from the loony bin, and rumor has it she's robbing people for ice cream money.
A mob boss is insisting she liberate his daughter from a mental hospital that Maggie's pretty sure she belongs in.
And people keep trying to kill her.
While Maggie deals with all that, she must also contend with her dysfunctional family; the challenges of parenting her orphaned niece; a handsome, but dangerously curious reporter; a hot manny who lives under her roof and gets under her skin; a smooth and sexy con man; and a certain murder mentor/cop redhead. And, honestly, it's getting too much to bear. Good thing she has her talking animals to confide in.
But with everything that's going on, can the intrepid, yet inept, hitwoman figure out how to keep everyone she loves safe without ending up in jail or killed?
Or will she just take up residence in a rubber room herself? Truth be told, she could use the break.
Bumbling hitwoman Maggie Lee has discovered the sister she thought was dead might be alive. She’s desperate to find her, but all of her bosses are making unreasonable demands. Demands she can’t afford not to meet.
Once again, Delveccio, the chocolate pudding loving mob boss, needs someone whacked.
Her obnoxious boss at her day job insists she intervene on his behalf with her semi-psychic friend, Armani.
And the mysterious organization with the power to put her almost-lover Patrick behind bars has saddled her with an annoying new partner and sent her on a mission that has gone to the dogs.
With the clock ticking, Maggie (along with her snarky lizard, dyslexic Doberman and Southern belle cat) does her best to pull off every job without winding up in jail or dead…but is her best good enough?
How do you say “no” to a mob boss?
When bumbling hitwoman Maggie Lee is asked by her mob boss employer to kill a cop, she wants to say no.
When her sexy murder mentor, Patrick Mulligan tells her the cop in question is a guy she once dated, she REALLY wants to refuse.
But when her former date, Paul Kowalski tries to kill her, she changes her tune to “Hell, yes!”
Maggie and Patrick grow closer as they scramble to figure out what it is that Kowalski is looking for and what it has to do with her prison escapee father.
Maggie’s search is hampered by the presence of US Marshals hunting her father and her crazier-than-usual family.
Along with her snarky talking lizard, grammatically-challenged Doberman, and a pissy cat, she races to solve the mystery and protect her family. But nothing in Maggie’s life ever goes as planned….
So many men….so little help.
Maladroit hitwoman Maggie Lee has never been one to ask for help. But now she’s found out that her niece, Katie, will soon be discharged from the hospital - making Maggie her guardian not just in name - and her semi-psychic friend Armani Vasquez has been kidnapped. Suddenly Maggie could really use some help.
While her crazy, but lovable, aunts are ready to help out with Katie, none of the men in her life are willing (or able) to lend a hand to save Armani. With both cops and bad guys telling her not to go after Armani alone, she knows the smart thing to do would be to listen to them. But Maggie’s not the type to abandon those she loves.
Even with Patrick, Maggie's murder-mentor and almost-lover, and her old friend Zeke out of the picture, Maggie’s not desperate enough to bring herself to involve crime reporter Jack Stern in her quest.
Armed with only Armani’s cryptic clues, and assisted by her snarky lizard, her dumb, but extremely loyal dog, and a one-eyed cat, Maggie decides to take on whoever's taken Armani.
Will the lack of human help prove to be her undoing?
Or will a special guy come through for her in the end?
Some people just can’t outrun trouble.
Overwhelmed hitwoman Maggie Lee thinks she’s leaving her family worries behind when she’s convinced to take a road trip with her buddy, Armani.
But pretty soon an old friend, a pesky relative, and even her pet, are asking for her help.
Loyal to a fault, Maggie soon finds herself tangled in a dangerous theft involving a crime family; confronting the abusive previous owner of her cat, Piss; and dealing with family revelations that rock her world.
With the assistance of psychic predictions, talking animals and unexpected allies, Maggie takes on her troubles head-on.
But if she’s not careful, this “vacation” could literally be the death of her.
She’s about to start a new job, her niece, Katie, who she is responsible for, is finally coming home from the hospital, and her ever “helpful” aunt has hired someone to help with her care.
Fresh out of the Navy, Angel Delveccio is not anyone’s idea of a typical nanny.
Which is convenient, considering Maggie’s life is anything but typical.
With the help of her snarky lizard, moody cat, and goofy dog, Maggie tries to solve the cold case of her sister’s disappearance, while contending with the present day threat of a violent ex-con, all while playing instant “mom” and trying to ease Katie’s transition into her new home.
Can Maggie juggle it all? Or will all of these distractions prove to be deadly?
Maggie Lee's dedication to her family knows no limits.
Even though her life is in chaos, she'll take any chance to repair her fractured family.
All she has do is:
Thankfully she’s got the help of an ex-lover, a conman, and a sexy sailor, along with her psychic friend, her loyal, but bickering, pets, and her favorite mob boss.
If only she could rely on them to help her stop the man who wants her sister dead. With two hitmen already killed for going after him, Maggie could use all the help she can get.
Maggie’s skills (and sanity) are put to the test and the stakes have never been higher.
The klutzy contract killer must enlist the help of both her psychic friend, Armani, and her ever-growing collection of talking pets, as she desperately searches for not one, but two, missing relatives.
At the same time she’s trying to keep the peace in her crazy family and complete an unwanted assignment from mob boss, Delveccio, which could end with her on ice.
And oh yeah, she’s got a date with a certain hot manny.
Maggie and friends follow a crazy and convoluted path to try to save the day, but will an unexpected enemy get the upper hand?
In years past, Maggie Lee has not been a fan of Valentine’s Day, but this year, the holiday has warped into its own special hell.
She's stuck working at her aunt’s lingerie shop during the busiest (and cheesiest) time of the year, someone volunteered her to help with the Valentine’s Day party at her niece’s school, and there’s a hitman in town, known as the Cupid Killer.
Maggie is up to her eyeballs in declarations of love, sex toys, and candy hearts, when all she really wants is to chase down leads pertaining to her missing sister.
Can Maggie survive a guy with a bow and arrow, the pain in the butt parents of school kids, and a romantic proposal?
Or will she succumb to her favorite fantasy?
The one where she runs away with her pets.
tHE HITWOMAN AND THE GOLD DIGGER
Just when she thinks she may be catching a break, Maggie Lee is saddled with babysitting her psychic friend, Armani, whose spirit guides have suddenly deserted her. They never warned Armani that she’d be robbed while waiting for an online date who stood her up or that someone would break into her home.
But investigating the trouble in her friend's world isn’t Maggie's only problem. Someone shoots her avian pal, Mike, and Maggie is determined to find out whom.
Neither task is easy, but Maggie's difficulties are intensified by trying to keep her unruly household running in the absence of Aunt Susan, who seems to have dropped off the planet.
And oh yeah, Maggie's ne'er-do-well dad has returned to town.
Can Maggie successfully juggle her investigations, cops, bad guys, a reporter, her menagerie and her crazy family? Or will it all be too much for her?
Maggie Lee’s done a lot of questionable things that have made her question her own sanity. Chaperoning her niece’s class trip is one of them.
Not only must she attempt to corral a bunch of energetic kids, but at the same time she has to argue with the talking lizard in her bra, avoid a mysterious doppelganger, and chase down runaway horses!
And that’s just the beginning.
With her relationships and alliances in flux, Maggie is uncertain of what her next steps should be. Caught between the family drama caused by the return of her sister, Darlene, and her own efforts to save an innocent boy, Maggie struggles to make the right decisions and protect lives that hang in the balance.
Can Maggie navigate these latest landmines, or will relationships, or even a life, be lost?
How do you solve a murder when the victim is still alive?
Maggie Lee’s murder mentor (and almost lover) Patrick Mulligan wants her to find out who poisoned him before it’s too late. Keeping the man she loves alive would be hard enough if all she had to worry about was not getting caught, but nothing’s ever that simple.
In between dealing with her strung out cat, searching for Patrick’s poisoner, meeting a deadline to deliver a mysterious gift for her mobster boss and keeping a curious reporter on his toes, she finds herself entangled in the complicated (and potentially dangerous) romantic affairs of her Aunt Susan and her semi-psychic friend Armani.
Hearts and lives are in peril.
Can the kooky, klutzy assassin save them?
Imagine a high-strung, comfort loving hitwoman at a rustic spiritual retreat.
Things are finally looking up for Maggie Lee.
Her almost-lover Patrick is taking steps (albeit deadly ones) to insure they’ll have a future together, her niece Katie is about to be released from the hospital, her sister Marlene has stopped turning tricks and started tossing pizzas, and Maggie has a chance to land a new (legal) job.
If only God would stop hounding her to apologize to her mother, Maggie would be pretty close to content with her life.
When Maggie agrees to take out a new target, using a spiritual retreat as her cover story, she ends up with a spoon (long story), an odd, selectively mute roommate, and a chance to save a life.
As Maggie struggles to balance all the important people in her life and deliver on the deadly contract, she begins to believe that God may be right about the act of contrition he’s demanded…but will she live long enough to do it?